The principles of money

The holiday season is here again.  It is time for us to put those hard-earned dollars to work.  We are looking for gifts to bring joy and excitement to others.  I am a giver, and the holidays are especially hard for me.  I want to give everyone close to me presents they will enjoy.  My wallet, however, reminds me that while the want is noble, I need to focus on a small select group. 

For You or Me?

Last year, I decided to adopt two children for Christmas.  One of the children asked for a bike.  I wanted him to have the best bike money could buy.  So, I bought him a very expensive children’s bike.  I felt big.  I wanted to give the child a reason to smile on Christmas morning.  On the afternoon I was dropping the bike off, I saw hundreds of bikes all lined up.  None of the bikes cost more than mine and that made me proud.  I was not a cheap gift giver.  After dropping the bike off, I began to think about my purchase a little further.  Why did you buy an 8-year-old the most expensive bike you could?  Was it for him or was it for you?  After some thought, I came to a sobering conclusion.  I bought the bike to make me feel good and to make him feel good about me.  I could have bought a more reasonable bike and bought more gifts for another child.

Gifts With No Thought

Are you purchasing gifts to make yourself feel good?  Are you using those gifts to manipulate how others feel about you?  I know the feeling. I was willing to go into debt to give good gifts for people who could care less.  And I, friend, am not alone. In 2022, according to LendingTree, a third of consumers took on holiday debt. With the average balance being $1,249.  That’s a lot of gifts given.  Some, purchased with no thought of the receiver’s wants or needs.  I work in retail. Every holiday, I witness countless people buying gifts for loved ones without knowing their size or style.  They don’t know if they will like it or put it in the darkest part of the closet never to be seen again.  It is just another gift-wrapped box to fill the space under the tree.

How To Give Good Gifts

1. Purchase Without Using Credit

Debt freedom is the number one gift you can give to yourself.  A future, free of worry of how you are going to pay your credit card bills.  If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. 

2. Find A Cheaper Alternative

One year, we wanted to throw our son a birthday party for family and friends.  After looking around, it seemed the party was going to cost around $500.  For a party, that he didn’t ask for nor would remember I started looking for alternatives.  It seemed like every space was close or above that same price.  I finally decided to think of things that make him happy. I came up with two things, cake and family.  I invited his cousins over and fed them pizza and cake.  We spent less than $100 and everybody left happy.  

3. Listen

If you ask my dad what he wants for Christmas or any holiday, it will always be nothing.  As givers we don’t like that answer.  As a result, we choose not to listen.  I’ve learned over the years that this is a bad idea. Because every gift I’ve ever given my dad has gone unused.  Don’t waste your money or time buying things that people don’t want.  It shows that you do not honor their words and puts your desire over their wishes.  If you want to give a gift to someone and are not sure, just listen!  Before the holidays, I note when my husband says he’s been meaning to buy something.  If he picks up a gadget in the store and shows interest, I take a mental note.  Actively listening to the receiver can save you lots of time and energy.  Plus, it may warm their heart to know you were listening to them ramble in the middle of Target two months ago.

4. Ask

Sometimes, I don’t know what to give as a gift.  In those cases, you will have to ask.  I like the idea of asking for broad ideas.  This may sound like: “Do you need something for your kitchen?” “You just got a new phone.  Do you need any accessories?” Accessories are great low budget gift ideas.  Finally, my favorite: “What is something that you want? Something that you need?”  These questions will help you give a gift that is useful.

Honor Yourself and Others

The holidays can be a stressful time.  People tend to overspend on gifts because they want to make you feel good about them.  Often, it is not about the receiver.  If you are purchasing gifts with debt, you are doing yourself a dis-service.  Honor yourself and others by giving a gift that is within your means and impactful.