The principles of money

My last post talked about one of the lowest seasons in my life.  If you haven’t read that you can catch up here.  Today, I wanted to discuss what I learned during that time.  It is my hope that if you have found yourself in a low season this advice can help you navigate your tough time.

Stop Digging

If you are coping in any negative way (drugs, shopping, scamming) it only makes you feel even worse about yourself. Put the shovel down and learn better coping skills.   I was broke. I started using credit cards in that time when I ran out of money before payday.  I would buy groceries, and pay my rent if necessary, using credit.  At stores, instead of buying what I needed I bought what I thought I deserved.  The line between wants and needs blurred when using credit.  Eventually, it became tough to pay the credit card bill along with the other bills I had.  This created more shame about my situation.  Once I started to make more money, I eventually paid off the credit card.  I got myself into debt again later in life but that’s a post for another day.

Develop Positive Coping Skills

I needed to get out of my own head and stop focusing on where I was.  I got up early in the morning and went to the YMCA to work out.  I took advantage of their financial assistance program and got a lower membership rate.  On the weekends, I visited friends and family and got out of the Bat Cave.  I had a chance to laugh and catch up with people who loved me.  I attended my local church and any events that interested me.  Low seasons can taint your view of the world.  There are still things to be thankful for.  Good is still happening in your life.  I was thankful for laughter with my co-workers and late-night conversations with my closest friends.  We were all going through struggles, but we laughed and encouraged each other.

Find Your Tribe

When I reached the end of my lease, I was determined not to spend another night in the Bat Cave.  Speaking with a friend, I let her know my lease was ending and I was looking for a place to stay. It just so happened that she was looking for a roommate to split the bills 50/50 with. I had lived with her previously so I knew it would be a good situation.    She joked for me to leave the bugs at my apartment when I left.  This taught me that you can’t do life alone.  There is no such thing as self-made.  Your tribe are people that you trust and who want to see you win.  They are people you can be vulnerable with.  If you don’t have anyone who you can be honest with, pay someone to listen to your problems and give you advice. Some companies will pay for therapy.  It is usually covered by health insurance as well.  Check with your Human Resources to see if this is a service they offer.

Learn your Lesson(s)

Here are some of the lessons I learned during my low season:

• Empathy-I know what it feels like to go through a low season.  I have real life experience. I can help others moving through that space with more grace.
• Perseverance-I survived the bat cave season. I can do hard things and survive.  I know now, for sure, dark times don’t last.  I am a stronger and wiser person because of it.
• Gratitude-I am so grateful for the small things.  Windows that let light in.  The automatic feature on my HVAC system. 
• Positive Coping– You can’t buy yourself happy.  I learned in dark seasons I need to surround myself with my community.   I learned that the outdoors and exercise are key in grounding me.

Keep Living

Going through a valley is like weight loss.  It is a progressive journey where you lose pound after pound over time.  I survived by waking up each day and making the best of it.  The recession ended, I got a promotion at work, I got a roommate, I got transferred and a raise.  I got married and we now had two incomes.  These things took time.  but my life got progressively better.  I just had to keep living.