The principles of money

I Lost My Part Time Gig

I was living in a brand new apartment complex with access to trails and grocery stores.  And I got a notice that they were raising rent just as my part time job was ending.  I could no longer work both jobs because the hours overlapped.  I had to resign.  

The Bat Cave

I needed housing that I could afford with one job. I found an apartment complex within my budget.  It was old and dark because it had no windows.  I nicknamed it “The Bat Cave”.  I paid my deposit and moved in.  That’s when the problems began to surface. 

My heating and cooling system wouldn’t turn off automatically.  If I didn’t manually turn it off, it would just keep going.  It would blow hot air until your face started to melt.  It would blow cold air until it froze itself.  The fridge smelled like mildew, so I never used it.  I stuffed my groceries in my tiny old college refrigerator.

It had bugs. They would jump over everything, and I could not figure out where they were coming from.  There were rats living in the walls.  At night, I would listen to them running in my walls and on the roof.  I was terrified that one day they would chew through the walls and infiltrate my apartment. I prayed a lot during this time.  I couldn’t understand how I worked full time and was still struggling so hard.

I Hit Rock Bottom

I would stay up all night checking to see if the rats had chewed through my closet wall. I also had to get up and turn the HVAC system off.  If not, I would awake to an extreme temperature.  I had no money or clear picture of how I was going to make my life better.  I felt hopeless because I thought things would always be this way.  My outlook on life was negative.  We were in the middle of the Great Recession and I couldn’t find a better job.  

You Have Got To Keep Living

Eventually, the economy got better.  I got a better job.  I moved into a condo with windows and no rats.  If you are going through a rough time in your life, I would encourage you to keep living. It’s only a season. Things will get better. I am a person of faith and my walk with God kept me believing (a tiny mustard seed bit) that there would be a brighter day.  It took help from God and community to pull me through and out of that season of hopelessness.  

I Know How You Feel

Looking back on that season, I felt like I was scraping the floor of life. I know what it is like to hate your life and live daily in grief.  To feel like you are doing all the right things and have your life go so wrong.  There are peaks and valleys in life.  There are storms and rainbows.  But you must survive to see the better that life has to offer.  You have to keep living.

In Part 2, I will share advice and lessons learned in my broke and hopeless season.